SILLY ADMIRATION

for Miguel Algarín

you said i remind you of her

tough, bossy, strong

protected by the gold locket with diamonds and sapphires

dangling close to your heart

30 years my senior

towering over campuses and libraries:

the wisdom of legend

with stories about Ginsberg and beatniks

before we met i knew of you

i revealed myself through spoken word to resurrect from death

my voice screamed out loud as if during sex

to bridge the generations between us;

my body swayed to the sounds of percussions

in the home you provided for your children of verse

your stare is still cursed with youthfulness

lustfully watching boys and girls you inspire to write

like your mother;

and how she pushes you to work harder

when you just want to retire

to love someone like a father

is difficult for me to admit with a kiss

while you hug me goodbye before rushing to another gig

suppressing my prayers for your health and safety

with jokes about your drinking and mongo affair

you- about my crooked moustache and the stiffness of my hair

my silly admiration of you isn’t silly simply child-like

aware of the gift of those poets before me: family, survival,

a dream

Poet and activist, Emanuel Xavier was born in Brooklyn, New York, and became involved in the ball scene as a homeless gay teen. Over a span of twenty-five years, Xavier has received recognition as a spoken word artist from national colleges and universities. He has been named an LGBTQ Icon by The Equality Forum and has been presented a New York City Council Citation Award. Xavier has received an  International Latino Book Award, Lambda Literary Award nominations and American Library Association Over the Rainbow Books selections for his collections which include: Pier Queen, Americano, If Jesus Were Gay, Nefarious, and Radiance. He is the recipient of a Gay City Impact Award and The Marsha A. Gomez Cultural Heritage Award. The author and editor of several books, Xavier continues to read his work across the country.