The following is an excerpt from Kicked Out: The 86’d Project, just released from Pedestrian Press, which features a series of interviews curated and conducted by Jennifer Blowdryer, with people who’ve been 86’d.

Anonymous/ Name Redacted

Name Redacted, (RS): I was at Studio 54 when it first opened. My brother and I got in cuz we were the twins and we were real small, cute, all that shit. I worked on Wall Street and so did some friends of mine. Their company was producing a Broadway show that this star was in. They said, “That girl there really wants you.” I’m like, “Oh yeah.” They go, “No, ___…’” I’m like, “She looks familiar.’” and they go, “It’s Cher.” 

It didn’t look like Cher. Cher’s tall and gorgeous and curvy and all of that. This girl was really petite. She looked like a little Jewish girl. I go over there and we’re talking. We’re making out and dancing and she says, “Do you know who I am?” 

I said, “I don’t really care; we’re making out.” 

She goes, “Good.” Finally she says, “Do you know who I am?” 

I’m like, “Yeah, my friends told me. You’re Cher. You kind of look like her, but you’re not really her. Don’t worry about it, I know the scoop...” 

She starts laughing and says, “I am Cher.” She was in this show on Broadway: “Go Back to the Five and Dime Jimmy Dean Jimmy Dean...”

Jennifer Blowdryer (JB): Oh, right.

RS: So uh, we’re drinkin’, partyin’, and in my mind I’m like, “She’s not really Cher. This is a joke. They’re all little spoiled brats, preppy, whatever…” 

So I’m drinking like crazy. We’re snortin’ up and drinking. All I know is, I woke up in the morning on this huge bed, in a huge, beautiful, mahogany room and it was a white, fur bedspread—mink. I looked over at this girl. I’m like, “Maybe it is Cher.”

 I sit up to look, and all of a sudden I puke, all over the mink thing, all over the floor. I’m just puking, and she wakes up and screams, “Oh my god. Steve, Steve, now.” 

I’m like, “What?” This huge guy comes in.

I’m like, “What?’ 

And he goes, “Get out.” 

And I’m like, “What?” 

He says, “Get out.”

I’m like, “I gotta get dressed.” 

He pulls me out of the bed. He lifts me. (I’m always getting’ grabbed.) He lifts me up. I’m naked, He throws me down a flight of stairs, and another flight of stairs, and my clothes come flyin’ down. Another guy, at the foot: “Out now.”

I said, “I gotta get dressed.” 

Another guy had the door open and he pushed me out on the sidewalk. I was pushed out, naked, and my clothes came flyin’ out after me. I’m sittin’ there. To this day I don’t know if I fucked her or not, but all my friends were like, “Wow, you went home with Cher.” 

I’m like, “Yeah, and I puked all over her.”

“Did you fuck her?” 

“I don’t know, but I puked all over her.”

Jennifer Blowdryer is a punk icon and the author of several books including, White Trash Debutant, Modern English: A Trendy, Slang Dictionary, The Laziest Secretary, and Good Advice for Trendy Young People of All Ages. She heads The Jennifer Blowdryer Band, which can be found performing live Punk Rock shows around NYC. She is continuing the work of her magpie great-uncle Sabine Baring-Gould in compiling these marvelous 86’d stories for antiquity.