Thaddeus Rutkowski

WHAT’S IN THE NAME

The name is Thaddeus, but the choice of the name was ill-advised, I think. No doubt my parents wanted something classical, or something radical. Oedipus and Orpheus would not do, and Theodore and Thelonius would not, either. So my father decided. My mother, it seems, did not have much say in the matter. She picked Xiao Lin, which means Little Forest and sounds something like her first name, Chia In, which means Good Tidings. But I don’t go by Xiao Lin. What I go by is a little stranger.

To many people, I am Thad, which is easy to spell and fairly easy to say, unless you think it’s Fab, as in “Oh Fab, I’m glad, they put real Borax in you!” My first and middle initials, J.T., are even easier, so I use them when I make reservations, arrange for deliveries, or sign my name on lists. One of my old friends calls me J.T., except for the times he calls me Stud. Other people I know call me T-Bone. Some of my friends think T-Bone is too casual, but I like it better than Fazool, or Pube, which are the nicknames of other guys I know. I have not been called Tadpole for a long while, but an old girlfriend used to call me A. Tad, which was short for A. Tad Stoned. Some of my close relatives still call me Tad, but so far no one else has adopted the shortest form.

When I meet people and tell them my name is Thaddeus, they say, “That sounds like a Biblical name,” or “That sounds like a nineteenth-century name,” or “That sounds like a plumber’s name.” Sometimes my new friends take an initiative and shrink my name to Chaddy, Teddy or Patty, or Chad, Ted or Pat. For a while, people in my office confused me with another Asian guy who looked like me and called him Thad and me Henry.

My last name is no less problematic. Rutkowski just does not fit my face. At times, however, to my great surprise I pass for Eastern European. Someday, I might change my last name to my mother’s maiden name, which is simpler and more descriptive, and become Mr. Wong.



Thaddeus Rutkowski is the author of eight books, including two of poetry: Border Crossings and Tricks of Light. His most recent book is Safe Colors, a novel. He teaches at Medgar Evers College, Columbia University, and a YMCA. He received a fellowship from the New York Foundation for the Arts.