Aparna

There’s a narwhal on my bar crawl,
And let me warn y’all, she’s playing hardball.
Her name’s Aparna
I said “APARNA?
Gosh darna! Aparna the narwhal.
Great assonance. But let me ask you this
I beg your pardon miss,
But let me posit this
I’m not positive,
And I say this with no confidence,
But are there even narwhals from the subcontinent?”
She said, “You land lubber,
I’m in town visiting my brother.
And by the way, I’m from Canada,
Don’t judge a book by its cover.”
Now you’ve been warned -
By two in the morn, these tipsy yuppies
Thought Aparna was a unicorn.
Nursing a third beer,
I blurted out, “A narwhal’s tusk is queer!
You look like a North Atlantic musketeer!”
Aparna rolled her eyes, I offered her a “cheers”
She reached for her drink, forgetting all about her ten-foot spear
She accidentally knocked over six pitchers and the TV
Is that a narwhal in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?



Sloppi Chulo is an actor, playwright, rapper, burlesque performer, and model who has been posing for drawing workshops and bachelorette parties for over a decade. There Once Was a Muse..., a collection of limericks and figurative art based on these adventures in the buff, is his first book of poems.