ALL MY LIFE

All my life I wanted to be an architect.
Designing domes as elaborate as Saint Peter’s Basilica
In Vatican City. 
I see myself with blueprints everywhere of a dome 
That is so huge that buttresses need to be placed around it
To support its weight.
I see myself as a serious person
Wearing a blouse, slacks and flats
With staff surrounding me looking at my plans
Discussing what my budget can afford.
My patrons are no de’ Medicis.
We have no insurance.
We hope no one falls from the scaffolding
Like a trapeze artist who misses the grip of their partner.
I put on my tee shirt, jeans and sneakers and I am off to the circus.
All my life I wanted to join the circus.
Swinging above the audience on a trapeze
In a gold, sequined leotard
As they stare up at me from the pitch black.
A spotlight follows my every move.
I can swing from my knees with my arms dangling below me
And then reach out to my partner so we can swing together.
I fall and injure myself. I go to the castle to recuperate.
All my life I wanted to live in a castle.
Dining in a great hall with cobblestone floors and arched supports.
On warm days I can hang out in the front yard where a stone wall
Overlooks the Mediterranean Sea. 
Watching ships come into the port. 
My dog and cat surround me as I stream shows on my iPad.
I grab my swimsuit, hat, sunglasses, towel and jelly sandals 
And head towards the sea.
All my life I wanted to live under the sea.
Living in what was once a Roman city named Baiea
With villas and hot springs that were patronized
By Julius Cesar, Nero and Cicero
Before Malaria wiped out the city
And a volcano sunk it into the sea in the 16th Century.
All my life I wanted to be a sculpture in the ruins of Baiea
Staring back at the tourists taking pictures of me
As they snorkel, scuba dive or float past me from the glass bottom boats
Like they do when they visit museums all over the world.

Tennessee Reed is the author of six poetry collections, a memoir and a novel. She has read her work around the continental United States, Alaska, Hawaii, England, the Netherlands, Spain, Germany, Switzerland, Italy, Israel and Japan. She is the chairperson of PEN Oakland and the managing editor of Konch Magazine. Her seventh poetry collection, Calafia Burning, will be published in 2020.