Stella Padnos
Exit Strategy
I don’t take a lot of room
because I’m a poem or a girl or
an explorer on-the-go
to the next getaway,
the next gateway to gone.
I don’t like to be in one country, one woman
for long, the destination matters less than the distance.
When I have something
I don’t want it anymore,
except for the addiction
that the men and mice must hold for me.
They are never far from my next snafu or paradise.
I have to go far to feel good.
Magical Night
Magical night of small, sweltering galaxies,
my star-ridden thermals and my daughter’s glittered leggings.
Small galaxies between me, our seats, my ex—
her father— and the child we induce into and out of our orbits.
Magical night, how resistant he is
to see my eye catch his, like he’d be catching something
he’d want to lose, a virus or decade of mine.
How lucky we are to be able to cast that time aside,
like a thrift store donation, and have more, for now, I guess.
Magical night of distance as child dances in Irish dance class.
I was glad when the shoelace he bound to her ankle,
her of his, her of mine, the shoelace he bound unbound from her body.
That wasn’t a bind of mine she shook loose:
I felt the smirk embarrass my face.
The magical nights are for breaking.
I looked at the man I married.
I break up with the woman who loved him.
My daughter, his daughter, herself,
told me that in fairy tales, things happen in threes.
We were a three, and I broke it.
I am the evil of the story.
We sat close to one another,
and I missed any feeling of missing you.
I wonder who it was in me who chose you,
an egg I didn’t know was growing me to insist you be.
Poet, social worker, mama, and ex-wife are among the identities of Stella Padnos. Her poetry appears, or will be appearing, in various forums and anthologies, including Barrow Street, Painted Bride Quarterly, and Grabbing the Apple: An Anthology of New York Women Poets. You can hear her talk on an episode of Life Lines The Books Podcast. Her debut collection of poetry and subsequently-released chapbook, brightly titled In My Absence and Next to Nothing, have been released from Winter Goose Publishing since 2016. Stella enjoys writing about ambivalence, attraction, and general emotional discomfort.